“There she goes again,” I sighed, as I heard my roommate at the retreat snort in her slumber. I might have been able to sleep if it had been more rhythmic, but the short little bursts of sound came at irregular beats, making it impossible to soothe myself into a steady drone.
Why is the Lord allowing this to happen if He wants me to be alert enough to learn anything at the meeting tomorrow? At this rate, I’ll probably sleep through it!
I felt sure that God wanted me to attend this retreat, especially when I learned right before coming that the topic was about “loss.” My worries had been growing ever since I’d learned that my husband was at high risk for his upcoming surgery. My fear of losing him increased significantly. How like the Lord to offer me this means of preparation, regardless of the surgery’s outcome.
The retreat involved doing life maps. The next day’s subject guided us through our valley times. What a perfect way to reflect on my need to surrender to my Lord over control of my husband’s life. This was my most recent discovery from a Bible study covering strongholds.
Fear of abandonment was nothing new to me since my father’s absence at age four following my parents’ divorce. My husband’s going “home” would be like the ultimate form of desertion.
Attempting to sleep without success, I decided that God must want to get my attention. He certainly wasn’t answering my prayers for sleep. So, I invited Him to converse.
“What do you want to tell me, Lord?”
Suddenly, I was brought back to that afternoon when our retreat leader had randomly handed out small heart-shaped boxes. Inside was a chocolate candy plus a scripture verse. It was white chocolate, which is the only kind of chocolate I can have. The other pleasant surprise I found in the scripture chosen. It was my favorite. My husband and I even planned to put this verse on our bench headstone and this was the verse God picked for me.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 NIV.”
It wasn’t until my middle of the night conversation with the Lord that I realized the greater significance of that verse. I needed to rest from my weariness over worrying about my husband and trying to keep him from dying. I was to surrender him and my whole life and future to God! It summed up my Lord’s personal message to me during this retreat. It was worth the sleepless night, and all the preparations plus the concern over leaving my husband overnight to attend. Praise God for His great love and care!
Dianna
Sharing the Fruit of Maturity
