What is the purpose of friendship in the life of a widow? My widowhood is greatly enhanced by my friends, especially my Christian sisters. I can depend on these dear ladies in countless ways with their care and concern for me. This means I’d better be just as kind and supportive to them, since we’ll be spending eternity together.
Forever friends pray for me, as well as for my family, especially for my deepest concerns. I can trust them with my hurts and even most hideous mistakes for which they won’t judge me. Sometimes they give me a piece of truth I need to hear, but said in a gentle and loving way.
Often the closest friendships begin for me with a partner in a ministry, working together in God’s fields. It melds our hearts in a significant way while we seek common goals, especially if they are God-ward. Our co-leadership of a Bible study provides opportunities for us to work together in differing roles. She leads prayer time and keeps track of the clock, while I focus on the lesson and lead the discussion. We rejoice together as we see a shy member of our study open-up and come closer to the Lord. Likewise, we put our heads together to solve the problem of alerting another lady that she overshares without insulting her.
It is such a delight for a widow missing her husband’s presence to worship together with a friend at church. We sing our hearts out with mutual joy and focus on a message from Scripture. At other times at home during phone calls we get excited when sharing about a daily devotional that fits our current situation.
Sometimes friends comfort me by crying with me over my loss. Tears can be even better than some expression of wisdom when the words don’t do justice to the depth of sorrow. Just as satisfying are other occasions when we laugh ourselves silly about a humorous event. The tears of joy bring healing.
My writer friends and I are buddies in two ways: Our common Savior and our delight in writing. We share our creations and encourage each fellow scribe to keep going despite the occasional writer’s block or discouraging review. I have never been critiqued in such a helpful but sweet manner. Writing is a definite part of the grieving process for this widow bringing me understanding and peace.
Just because friends are close does not mean their personalities are similar. One of my best friends is a polar opposite from me. While I remain a quiet observer of the world around me, she dances through life with a passionate pursuit of God’s leading. When I need energizing, she acts as my cheerleader, while I calmly redirect her before she burns out. Her encouragement has been essential to me during this time.
It doesn’t seem to matter about age differences for keeping forever friendships, either. I belong to a group of mature women whose eldest member is in her nineties. We visit her monthly in her assisted living home and I come away each time refreshed and renewed by her eternal perspective and wisdom. Younger women, too, provide me with friendship from our connections at work or church. Sometimes I can fill them in on how I handled their current stage of parenting and marriage. More often I admit to mistakes I made during that period which I can offer as a gentle warning for them to consider.
Other long distance friends remain available only by phone. Marathon calls fill occasional empty hours while we catch up with each other. I like to save these calls for lonely times and know I can count on them for human contact. Especially is this true with my fellow sisters in mourning, who have a greater understanding of my need for their conversation.
The hard times are definite assurance of a forever friend. Rare but precious, these few individuals prove themselves faithful and true through trials and troubles. Their presence is on call day or night. Widows need faithful friends to take them to “do not drive” medical appointments or 5:00 AM airport departures. Even more, their quiet company when one’s spouse dies is worth more than words can say.
Christ is my ultimate model of a forever friend, always there to love and assist in every situation. The Bible says He is my new husband. Not only will He commune with me anytime or anywhere, He sacrificed His life for me. What more can I ask from a friend? If I need direction in acting out my relationships, I can’t do better than model it after my best friend, Jesus Christ.
Dianna
Sharing the Fruit of Maturity
