It wasn’t until a friend of mine recently shared all her moving woes that I took a new look at my own experience in that area. She told me of their frustration of going through the ups and downs of several potential buyers. Besides that, there were unexpected discoveries of broken fixtures, topped off by debilitating health concerns while trying to pack. All of these trials kept my friend and her husband from completing their move before a forecast winter storm.
While I was going through my former move from our ranch home to a cozy condo, my focus had been to take one step at a time with nose to the grindstone. I had to prepare our house for showing along with downsizing which finally led to our home’s market placement. It seemed our sale would never happen but God faithfully brought the right buyer, followed by the move. Due to my husband’s health conditions, he couldn’t help to clean or pack. He did make a super human effort to paint, which almost did him in.
I suddenly realized that during this whole six-month experience, not once in all the solo-packing and lifting did my seventy-year-old body sustain a single injury or illness. It reminded me of the Israelites wandering in the desert, when Moses said, “For forty years I led you through the wilderness, yet your clothes and sandals did not wear out. (Deuteronomy 29:5 NLT)” I made it through our move without incident. Now as I look back, I can see the Lord’s anointing during that time.
Why did I escape unscathed while my friend did not? I think it was a lesson that God, in His infinite wisdom, was teaching me. God knew of my husband’s approaching loss, so He used this experience to help me realize my ability to care for myself with His help. Never before had I known as weighty a responsibility. Like the poem “Footprints,” the Lord carried me through this challenging time.
Even this occasion wasn’t the first step of preparation. Several years earlier during Ray’s heart attack and discovery of C.O.P.D., it became clear that the hard worker he had been was no more. Prior to this, he handled the mowing and perfecting of our front, side, and back yards on a weekly basis. In addition, we lacked a sprinkling system for our extensive lawns, so summer time involved massive labor for him. I had to adjust to this new husband who could only perform a few minutes of yard work in between rests on our maple tree bench where he panted to catch his breath.
I transformed into the trash person in our home, and lifter of heavy boxes, at least when my son was absent. I also became the main driver, since my mate’s limited range of neck motion didn’t permit him safe driving skills. These alterations seemed upside down to our normal arrangement, but it served our changed status. I held the door open for him rather than vice versa, especially after he started using a walker. It didn’t represent poor manners on his part, but a matter of necessity.
All of these small adjustments helped me deal with the difference in our circumstances as well as in our relationship. It actually assisted me to finally achieve my long-sought goal of becoming submissive as a wife. He no longer had to ask me to retrieve his coffee cup or bring him his medicine. I was now the provider and protector, a role he had so adequately filled all these years for me. It came naturally to me, as when dealing with a sick child.
His main household duty was to pay the bills and keep himself occupied while I worked on weekends and my other activities. Ray’s pain level explained his frequent naps and lack of energy. Even my usual evenings alone when he went to bed early accustomed me to being without him at night. During one of his hospital stays, I learned that I felt safe in our condo during his absence. His main goal in those last days was to see me settled and safe, which our new home permitted.
I felt uneasy and confused while all this was transpiring. However, now that my husband is gone and I find myself better able to handle being a widow, I can see God’s plan unfolded. The Lord understood my tendency to feel abandoned with lessened control, so provided me with gentle loosening of my grip on the usual set-up Ray and I had developed. How good of Him to prepare me for this huge change I would experience in such a gracious way. God’s care for me comforts and assures me of His superior plan for my new life as a widow for which He has fully prepared me.
Dianna
Sharing the Fruit of Maturity
