I’ve noticed since my husband’s passing that I’m going through more than just a widow’s transition. This chapter in my life also involves a rebirth of myself as an individual. Please let me explain what I mean.
Forty-seven years ago when Ray and I married, he found himself with a new dependent, and I do mean dependent. I looked to him as the father I had never known besides my husband, someone to take care of me. Ray did fulfill this role in many ways, acting as my provider and protector. He also took the position of a social buffer for me, since with his outgoing personality, he never knew a stranger. It became a typical scenario for him to lead the conversation in group settings while I stood back, smiling and nodding.
I began to come out of his shadow as I went back to school when the kids were well on their way to independence. When I started working, I had a double life: leader by day and follower at night. There were times when we were together with others in conversation I tried to establish my own voice, but the old pattern prevailed. As Seniors, our roles continued and I served as the straight man for my mate’s persistent jokes.
Now that my life partner has gone, I’m on the threshold of a whole new opportunity to reinvent myself. A recent holiday get-together with some family members proved surprising. They now responded directly to me rather than through my husband. It was freeing and exhilarating to let the real Dianna come out. My own sense of humor, my own perspective on the world came to the fore. I could handle situations in a more natural way.
I think Ray had a people intelligence that aided him in numerous situations. He also had a big heart that made him a passionate and a generous defender of certain groups and individuals. People felt comfortable talking to him.
I’ve developed a somewhat similar communication style, which no doubt rubbed off from constant contact with my mate. I think much of it, however, is a unique gift from God.
The potential of my new life as a widow is exciting. I can more confidently speak up in social situations and find my own way of touching others’ lives. I’m just learning how this works. As God gives me the grace and peace to be who He’s made me to be, I hope to develop into a better version of my old self. Will the real Dianna Brumfield please stand up?
Dianna
Sharing the Fruit of Maturity
