Today marks one year since my husband’s passing. I’d like to share his eulogy with you to let you know who he was and the blessing he was to my life.
James Ray Brumfield, better known as Ray, was born January 23rd in 1944 in Kansas City, Mo. He had a chaotic childhood, but overcame this to become a great man.
His early childhood was spent mostly in San Mateo, Ca. along with sister Betty, and half siblings Vonnie, Ron and Debbie. He left at age 17 to join the Army. He served for 3 years as a clerk typist for Madigan General Hospital in Fort. Ord, Ca. Although he didn’t get to travel overseas, he left the service with an honorable discharge.
Ray was a hard worker and quickly rose to a supervisory position over multiple gas stations for Urick Oil Company. He mostly lived out of his car and motel rooms. When he grew tired of this constant travel, he found a job working for Burlington Industries Hosiery Division.
It was at this point when we met. He was my upstairs neighbor in an apartment in Whittier, Ca. We became friends and spent time together while I was waiting to start work as a social worker in Pomona. I was impressed by his open manner and the fact that he never knew a stranger. He seemed to feel comfortable in any social setting. Whether it be with a waitress, store clerk, or the president of a company, he treated them with the same respect.
We got married in 1969 and I continued working until he was transferred to Northern, Ca. We moved to Sunnyvale and he commuted to San Francisco to work at Burlington Industries. Our daughter, Rachelle, was born there. He doted on her and spent time each evening playing with her after work. Ray’s openness to children was obvious. Children in our neighborhood would knock on our door to have time with him. Later on, at church picnics, you’d always find him with a baby on his lap.
Our next transfer took us to Denver, Colorado where Ray took the position of a warehouse manager. He put his full effort into this job. He felt that a job worth doing was worth doing well.
In 1976, we moved to Spokane, where Ray went into sales for Lee’s Carpets on the road. He enjoyed the travel and he went out of his way to serve his carpet store owners traveling in Washington, Montana, Oregon, Idaho, and Alaska. He didn’t care that it was considered a lesser territory, since he was more interested in providing us with a family-friendly place to live.
Our son, Brian, was born here in 1978. Both he and his sister knew they could talk to their dad about anything and he would not overreact and would offer practical advice. Their friends felt comfortable around him and knew he accepted them unconditionally. In many cases, he served as a surrogate father for them. Ray’s encouraging attitude made him the perfect person to go to. I remember the gentle hugs he gave to our kid’s friends as well as adult friends who needed a loving response.
When I decided to return to school for my Master’s Degree, Ray was all for it, even though it meant more help on his part. He also supported my job at the Crisis Pregnancy Center with it’s prolife position and passionately defended it.
Ray had a loyalty to friends and family and a sense of integrity that won him devoted friends. He would say, “If you borrow something, return it better than it was. If you borrow a car, return it with a tank full of gas.” He often quoted “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
Our daughter met her husband, Jeff, in college and they were married in Michigan several years later. The highlight of Ray’s life was when grandchildren came into the picture. Our oldest grandson, Domanic, was his Papa’s little tag-a-long. Ray helped his daughter get her first good sleep in 3 weeks by holding and patting his grandson Zac all night. Joshua came along 4 years later. Gavin was born almost 5 years after Joshua. Ray was delighted when the boy barrier was broken when Madi was born 2 months after Gavin. Ashton served as the last grandson 4 years later. There is hardly a picture of Ray without a grandchild on his lap. He used to say, “Grandchildren are the best thing since salt and pepper.”
Ray became a Christian in 1984 while we were attending New Life Christian Reformed Church. He had made friends with the pastor and served as a deacon and treasurer for the church. His faith showed itself by his open response to others, often total strangers when he shared his beliefs. It amazed and delighted me to see him approach women who were pregnant or holding a baby. He’d say to them: “You love your husband, you love your parents, you love your sisters and brothers, but when you hold that baby, you know just this much (finger gesture) of the unconditional love of Jesus Christ.”
It was my husband who became concerned about my mother who had been living by herself in Yuma, AZ. He kept telling her on our visits that she needed to come live with us. After several years of this and a serious fall she had taken, he told her directly during a visit to our home, “Mom, you’re not going home this time. You need to stay with us.” He was surprised when she promptly agreed. He had adopted her long ago as his mother.
When Ray came off the road he started working for various floor covering businesses and had a loyal following due to his excellent services and knowledge about this field. It was only when the economy went south, that he chose to retire in 2008 and took a much deserved rest. After a while, he became involved in COPS, a group that supports the police. His organizational and people skills helped him to serve well as he worked with Block Watch.
On July 8th, 2013 during a visit from our daughter and family, Ray had a heart attack. This was followed by a triple by-pass and later further surgery to clear out his carotid arteries. One of these procedures caused a stroke, which his former nurse discovered. He was sent back into surgery and only had minor effects. Throughout each hospital visit, Ray remained the patient that the nurses enjoyed the most. He shared his humor with them through his favorite jokes.
When his health suffered further, he spent more time at home. That is when Ray became involved in genealogy. It fascinated him to find his roots and he even met some long-lost cousins through the process. We had sold our 6- bedroom home to downsize into a condo. His main concern was to find a good place for me in case something happened to him. My future welfare was his ultimate concern, and he went over finances with me regularly, showing me how I would be secure after his passing. I understood the reason, but I didn’t want to think about it. Looking back on it now, I see his wisdom in doing this.
Ray’s compassion even extended to the doctors who operated on him. He would say, “Doc, I don’t want you to fret if you lose me on the table. I know where I’m going, and I’m ready to go. But, if you can use your expertise to keep me around for a while, I’d like to see the adults my grandchildren become.
Ray had an accident while on the road during his traveling salesman days. It caused painful bone spurs to grow later in his life. Although a surgical solution was high risk due to his health, Ray wanted to go for it. The surgery was successful, but when he had just arrived at St. Luke’s for rehab, he had another heart attack. He went into a coma after CPR and was placed on a ventilator.
While my daughter, son and I were on our vigil waiting with my husband for death, we were told that his eyes might open as a reflex, so not to be disturbed by it. I had asked God to give us a sign that Ray knew we were there with him in spite of his brain damage from his latest heart attack. My daughter-in-law couldn’t be there. They were close since Ray had walked her down the aisle and acted as a father to her. Brian face-timed her on his phone and let her see Ray. She said, “Ray, I love you.” His eyes opened. Much later, I noticed Ray’s eyes opened again. His numbers on the attached machine were going down so we knew the end was near. I called to my kids to come close. We gathered around him, Brian near him on the left with me, and Rachelle on the right. We took turns telling him we loved him, and in each case, he shifted his gaze to look directly at that person. Perhaps it was simply a reflex. Since it only happened upon hearing a loved one address him directly, I think it had more to do with God’s faithful answer to prayer. God had answered my request for Ray to know of our presence with him till the end.
James Ray Brumfield touched many lives with his humor, his grace and his generosity. He brightened many a day with his jokes and philosophy to nurses, store clerks and strangers. Here’s one of his favorite jokes he told to women: “Did you know that all women in the whole world are angels? But, break one of their wings and they’ll switch to a broom. My wife hit me with her broom when I told her that.” He did speak well of me, however, besides his jokes about women. He often said, “There are only two reasons why we’ve been married so long. One, the Lord, and Two, my wife is a saint.” This was often followed by this thought: “Give a woman a house and she’ll give you a home, give a woman food, and she’ll give you a meal, give a woman a smile and she’ll give you her heart, give her a little crap and she’ll give you a ton of you-know-what.”
He gave friends and family gentle hugs and encouragement with unconditional acceptance. He also was generous to a fault often giving beyond his means. Ray made the world a friendlier place with his loving outlook. We will miss him greatly but know that after he was greeted by Jesus, he is meeting and telling his jokes to the angels and all those relatives he learned about on Ancestry.com. I have a feeling that when he arrived in Heaven, there was a rousing party and he’s currently making friends and reuniting with family and old friends. I know he’s waiting for me to join him there.
Dianna
Sharing the Fruit of Maturity
